In the End

2002-08-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

"Yeah link it to the world.
Link it to yourself.
Stretch it like its a birth squeeze.
And the love for what you hide,
And the bitterness inside,
Is growing like the newborn..."
---New Born, Muse.
(Tommo got this song stuck in my head)

*sigh*
Not much to say, really. tired.
Went to the party in the end, had an okay time, I suppose.
The party itself was a little boring, but I had a lot of fun talking with Liz and stuff, and Phillip as well, I suppose, even if he is mean and picks on me when I say things wrong in Japanese.
Well, OKAY, Liz picks on that too, but Phillip is more mean about it! *sniffle* ^^

*yawn*

I'm tired, and am going to sign off now.

--Vegeta, Saiyain Prince.

2002-08-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

"I want to see it painted...paint black, black as night...black as coal! I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky. I wanna see it painted painted painted, painted black. Yeah..."
--Painted Black, Rolling Stones.

UCC in the evening is very very cold I find.
I don't think it's so much the attitude as the temprature (as in, it does get very physically cold) but i never like to be hanging around here late at night.
I just feel like I'm wasting time.
So I suppose I can go home and do nothing there and feel depressed at home rather then at Uni.
*sigh*
It's all a waste of time anyway, I suppose.
Currently pondering whether I should be bothered going to the HofP party, won't be any fun, now that what I had planned fell through, since the person I planned with mistoke something I said half heartidly and when it was late and I was cold to be the actual truth, and thus, it fell through. I suppose it wasn't her fault, but me~eh.
I guess I won't be bothered going now, doesn't seem like teribbly much point anymore.
I might just go home and sit around alone.
Seems to be how I spend most of my life.
Feeling full from the dinner Liz, Phillip and I had anyway.

Tom: Eh, if you ask me about anything IRl the best you'll get is a 'Yeah, I'm fine." or a 'Eh..." I don't really talk much about stuff concerning me to people in real life. I'm lame like that I suppose.

That's all I guess. *shrug*
Expect my next update when you see it.

-Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"Black Hole Sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain, black hole sun, won't you come, won't you come...."
--Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden.

2002-08-16T00:10:00.000-07:00

"Look! Skulls!"
--Liz

Just an everyday comment here in UCC.

Dave is playing a strange game by the name of Torment and Liz just left.
Awww....
Oh well.
Yay! She's back again! Wai!

"I need my Phillip."
--Liz.

A less then everyday comment here in UCC.

I think I made her mad, and now she's threatening me with blackmail!
Wah!
Though the storm seem to have abated. ^_^

*eyes Dave*

That game is SO weird! You're talking about ruipping out eyes!
Weird!

*yawn*

Bored and tired. *sigh* Waiting for the committee meeting to come and go, then Liz and I can go shopping for the HofP house warming present and then go to the actual house warming, time seems to be passing sooooo slowly at the moment.
2 more hours to go, wah!
Oh, and here's Phillip, he says his job inteview went so so, Liz has hers in about 20 minutes or so, she doesn't seem very nervous about it, though, so that is a good sign I guess.

Velithya: Well, I sort of understand it after the lab, asking the guy for help sort of helps as well. We can always get together and study before a test, so i think we should be able to do okay:

Liz: Wai! Mention! :P And you're not a blue bird who communicates through meeps and sighs. I'm sorry. ^_^

Rae: But I'm feeling better now! See! I didn't need to go to the doctor afterall! No need to worry! It's just a little bit of a sore throat! Honest!

Well, that's all for now, back to the wonders of UCC.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

2002-08-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

"Out among the stars I sail,
Way beyond the moon.
In my silver ship I sail,
A dream that ended too soon.
Now I know exactly who am,
And what I'm here for.
And I will go sailing no more....

All the things I thought I did,
All the brave things I've done,
Vanished like a snow flake,
With the rising of the sun.
Now no more, to sail my ship,
Where no man has gone before.
And I will go sailing no more....

BUT NO! It can't be true!
I could fly is I wanted to!
Like a bird in the sky!
If I believed I could fly!
Why I'd fly!

Clearly....
I will go sailing....
No more......"
--Sailing No More, Toy Story Soundtrack.

"I was ontop of the world, living high!
It was right in my pocket.
I was living the life,
Things were *just* the way they should be.
Then from outta the sky like a bomb,
Comes some little punk in a rocket,
And all of a sudden some strange things are happening to me.

I had friends! I had lots of friends!
Now all my friends are gone....
And I'm doing the best I can to carry on.
I had power! I was respected!
But not anymore!
And I've lost the lovin' of the one whom I adore.

Let me tell you about strange things are happening to me.
Straaaaaaaaaaaaange things.
Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Ain't doubt about it.

Got someone you think you know well,
Turns out a stranger.
The minute you turn your back,
You hit it all by yourself.
They laugh at your jokes, you think you're doign quite well,
But you're in danger boy.
You'll end up alone, forgotten, way up on the shelf.

Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Straaaaaaaaaaaaange things
Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Ain't no doubt about it."
--Strange Things, Toy Story Soundtrack.

Two songs that sum up my current mood...Or maybe I've been watching too much Toy Story.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

2002-08-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

"One thing, I don't know why.
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Keep that in mind,
I designed this rhyme to explain in due time,
All, I, know. Time is a valuable thing,
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings,
Watch it count down to the end of the day,
The clock ticks life away, it's, so, unreal.
Didn't look out below, watch the time go, right out the window.
Trying to hold on, didn't even know, I wasted it all,
Just to watch, you gooooo.
I kept everything inside, and even though I tried,
It all fell apart.
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time I
Tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall, to lose it all.
But in the End, it doesn't even matter..."
--In the End, Linkin Park.

I thought it was about time to quote the song that this blog is named after. It is really one of my favourite songs, I can never listen to it enough. Not only does it describe my mood nearly all the time, it is the perfect song for describing the life of my hero, Vegeta.
And currently, in one of those moods where, in the end, nothing really matters, and nothing anyone you know can say will really cheer you up.
Sure, you put on a happy face, so that they'll stop trying, and most of the times,m they'll think they've succeeded, but inside, nothing's changed. And it never does. Nothing I've encountered has yet managed to peice the dreary drab of my life, and I live my existence in the dull numbness of apathy towards enjoyment.
I just often fail to care, and the only way I really feel I can make a difference in this futlity, is by making my friends feel better about themselves, and to an extent, it works, and I feel like I'm doing a good thing.
But always when I get home, I feel the numb, almost suffocating weight of darkness, and I wonder what there is to life I'm missing.
It all feels so futile and pathetic and small minded. Yet other people seem to enjoy it, but all i can do is make it through each day and collapse in bed, idly hoping that maybe something that changes everything will happen the next day, but knowing deep down tommorrow brings only another drab same fileld with the same borign mundane happenings that cause this life to be such a prison.

"Cause I'm loosing my sight, loosing my mind.
I wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Loosing my sight, loosing my mind.
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Nothing's allright. Nothing is fine.
I'm running out of time!"
--Last Resort, Pappa Roach.

*yawn*
Sleep calls, and I think that's enough of my ranting for one day.
Expect my next update when you read it.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

2002-08-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black,
I see my red door and I want it painted black.
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts!
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black...."
--Paint it Black, The Rolling Stones.

Meh, tired, sick, and depressed.
SE104 is hard, the guy goes too fast, I don't know what he says half the time, and it's hard.
He's going so much faster then the Java lecturer.
I wish he'd slow down! *whimper*

UCC basketball was fun, had me feeling not depressed for a whole hour, I was quite impressed, though the dark mood settled in as soon as I got home.

Didn't get a chance to do any homework, when I got home was already tired and too depressed and it was too late and I have an 8am pointless lecture that sucks and stuff. *angst*
Though I suppose trying to do my lab today made up for it...
Stupid hard SE104...I appreciate the help I get from the guys at UCC, but I just wish i could think of it myself, I'm sure I could, if the guy explained it all, and didn't just rush through...at least maybe it will help me be better at Java 124.
I wonder if Jen finds it as fast and confusing as I do.
If she does, she hides it really really well...

Need to make up new character sheets with Kieron tommorrow, pondering the idea of adding some extra stuff in there, but maybe not. *shrug*
Might ask Kieron, I don't suppose it could really hurt, I guess.

Have I mentioned I hate being sick? And hate feeling depressed?
I may just go and have a shower and go to bed.
*sigh*
I just hate life sometimes.
It takes pleasure in screwing me over as often as it can, and never gives me a break.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.
Current Music: Kanon D-dur (Quartet)

2002-08-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

"Well, you may be stronger, but I'm still faster, smarter and preitter."
"I'll agree with that. Well, the pretty part anyway."
--Myself to Jen(Velithiya), and the Kieron agreeing at the party on Saturday.

Hmmm, the party on Saturday made up for my bad day on Friday, despite me being slightly sick, it was actually a lot more fun then i expected it to be. Everyone there seemed to be having a really good time, except for Jen, though I think the only reason she was snappy was because she was tired. Chas and Oliver both came in formal wear, and it was worth going to see that. I informed Kieron at the party that i had lost all my character sheets, and he said no problem, he can just kill my character.
The bastard. I think we need to put in an OOC quote to get back at him for that.

"Meanwhile, my pants are vibrating."
--Kieron.

Pam was angry at me because I wouldn't kiss her on the cheek! (Sorry Pam!) And now Jen thinks I'm gay, and Chas has his doubts. Nicole and Pam spent the evening trying to kiss me on the cheek again and again, which was really random. Strange people. Though I guess I could get used to it. ^_^

"I'll never be that drunk."
--James explaining how he will never kiss Pam on the cheek.

Warcraft three ending was so laaaaaaame. Lame I say! LAME! *sigh* Oh well, maybe we'll get something better in the expansion pack. Night Elves are the team for me, I really like the style of play, and the idea of a mostly female team appeals to me. (Hey, what are you looking at me like that for!) Plus, they have the coolest hero, the demon hunter. He's sooooo awesome.

"Ph33r my l337 sk|lls."
--Night Elf Archer, Warcraft III.

I think I may have caught Liz' cold somehow, well, either hers, or someone elses, probably Pam/Jen/Chas, since I spend a lot of time around them. *cough/sniffle* I hate being sick. I'm going to skip all my classes tommorrow and stay home, since committee meetings are at four now. I intend to clean my room and do some maths homework, though, to catch up. And quite possibly do my SE104 and Java labs as well, while I have the time, and maybe Calmath as well, which will give me the whole week off!
*cheers that breaks into coughing*
Stupid virus! Die, virus! Die!

"Tomedonaku afurete,
Koboreru namida no kazu hodo,
Yarusenai koto mo nai,
Zutto hateshinai boku no ai!

Baby Sou sa Karada ga tokeru kurai no,
Atsui munasawagi ni makasete Woo,
Nani mo ka mo koete yukou!"

--- Kimi Ni Fureru Dakede, Rurouni Kenshin.

A song that's been stuck in my head, the singer has a such a great song, even if it was from the crappy part of the series, I really loved that opening song to Kenshin, just the song, the images put to it were lame and boring.

Well, I'm really tired, and I think I might just hit the hay. *yawn*
I also need to think up what I'm going to wear to the House of Pain warming party on Friday, it's tehemed and everything, it will require some pondering, I bet. ^_^
*stretches*
Well, I better wander off, night everyone.
Expect my next update when you see it.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

" And the Raven, never flitting, still is
sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above
my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a
demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming
throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that
lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!"
--The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe

2002-08-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

"How long, how long, will I slide....
Seperate my siiiiiiiide,
I don't...I don't believe it's beeeeeeest,
Slit my throat it's all I ever...."
--Otherside, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Bleh. Had a really bad day. Sisters bag was stolen with all my roleplay stuff in it. Major suckage.
Have to redo all my character sheets and such. Meh.
Then other bad stuff happened, made day even worse.
To finish it all up, self esteem and self image currently at an all time low of late.
Right down there now with hope and dreams for the future.
Doubt it will be going back up any time soon.
Everyone else always seems to confident in who there are, me, I'm always thinking about how crap I look.
Maybe I'm just vain.
Maybe I'm right.
Maybe I should go to sleep.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

"Dear Mother, Dear Father,
Hidden in your world you've made for me,
I'm seething, I'm bleeding,
Ripping wounds in me that never heal.
Undying spite I feel for you,
Living out this hell you always knew."
--Dyers Eve, Metallica.

2002-08-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Hear you, sir;
What is the reason that you use me thus?
I loved you ever: but it is no matter;
Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day."
--Hamlet, Act Five, Scene One.

Had an average day today. Thanks to the fourty odd people who pointed out to me that yes, I was not wearing black, even my old tutor who I ran into thought he might point out to me. *g* I hadn't noticed....really. :)
I'm glad I managed to screw with so many people's heads in one day, I must admit, it was kinda fun.
Who knows what i may wear tommorrow! I may become horrible unpredictle with what i wear!
But then again, maybe I won't.

Still angsting over my hair, I wish it would hurry up and grow, so I can tie it back, I suppose it looked kinda okay today, but it's still annoying having something that you feel so self concious about all the time.
Got my MathLab done today, which I am pleased about, though I got one question wrong and am no longer on 100%. Grrr. I feel so dirty. Other then that, this course is fairly fun. Maths is just sooooooo horrible. Pity there is no way out of doing it.
I'm actually finding Java somewhat fun. So much better than Haskell, UML is actually quite enjoyable. Even if Velithya can't seem to keep her eyes open. I swear I have to nudge her to keep her awake at times.
I blame Chas, keeping her up all night. ;)
Roleplaying tommorrow, yay! I wonder if we'll ever get to see the King, or if Chas has actually drawn us a map yet. I rather like Chas' campaign, and Kurita is a rather fun character to roleplay, even if he is a total bastard at times.
He's a nice guy inside, really, he is!
Well, I better go to sleep now!
I'll end tonights post with a nice out of context quote to get me in trouble.
Excuse me while I find someplace to hide now. *grin*

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

"Wai! Wai! Aaron-kun wa sugoi yo!
Suteki desu wa!
Now, dress in this cute bunny costume."
--Elizabeth.

2002-08-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

"Get off your fucking cross...
We need the fucking space,
To nail the next fool matyr."
--Eulogy, Tool.

Another promised night of an early night, another promise broken, another 6am wake up I can expect to feel like hell for, another day I get to feel utterly exhausted through. I don't know why I put myself through it, but I just can't seem to make myself go to bed early anymore. It's become force of habit, if only it weren;t for this god damn 8am starts, damn them. They'll be the death of me, I swear it.

"But I look around,
I see numb, empty faces.
The world is waiting to die.
And this apathy is so suffocating,
To slowly kill off my mind."
--Television, Stabbing Westward.

Apathy is becomming a big killer, while I find my Java and SE104 courses cool, I'm begenning to fall seriously behind in my mathematics, just to a lack of motivation to stuyd for it. It mostly has to do with ALWAYS being dog tired when I'm at home, and the constant depression i seem to suffer when I'm alone in my room. Rather then studying, I just sit around angsting and listening to music, it's really starting to get a tad bit worrying, and I'm worried if I keep going down this path, i may actually end up failign that unit, and it's even more worrying I'm thinking this this early in the semester.

"Well, I can be my own best friend, andI can send myself for pizza, so I'll say,
I think I'm a clone now....another one of me's always hanging around..."
--I think I'm a Clone Now, Wierd Al.

One problem I seem to have, is that I swear there are two Aaron's lurking around in my mind. Like, I have a split personality or something, one of them is good Aaron, Norman Osbourne, cheery, happy, go-lucky and an all round friendly person. The other is moody Aaron, still nice, but moody, dark, broody, angsty and annoying, the Green Goblin. It worries me that the latter may drive some of my friends away my mistake.
Well, neither Aaron is any good at talking to people in real life, so it worries me even more that people may think i don't like them just because I don't seem to say much, or hold a good conversation with them. it's not because I don't like you, it's just because I suck at talking to people in real life! We can blame three years as a online roleplaying hermit for that.

By the way, WarCraft III is addictive and fun! It rock, rock, rocks!

"...grant me a swift death...I've earned that much...."
"After all you've put me though woman, the last thing I'll grant you is peace of death."
--Death Knight Artus of the Undead Legions to the Commander of the Elvish Archers before killing her and bringing her back to life as a Banshee.

Well, it's late and I suppose I better go to sleep, enough angsting for one day.
Me~eh.
Expect the next update when you read it.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

"Yeah, I am the astro-creep,
A demolition style hell american freak - yeah
I am the crawling dead,
A phantom in a box, shadow in your head - say
Acid suicide - freedom of the blast,
Read the fucker lies - yeah
Scratch off the broken skin,
Tear into my heart,
Make me do it again..."
--More Human than Human, White Zombie.

2002-08-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sitting in UCC watching the time go by....
*yawn*
Bored, sitting in UCC and awaiting the start of another thrilling English workshop, yay, or something. Current mood is average, still really annoyed that i lost my blog update last night due to a very lame computer crash that wiped out four pages worth of updates!
Hence why I'm not very enthused about this update, only doing it because Pam said I had too. :P
I'll do a better one when I get home, and when I'm perhaps in a btter mood.

Well, that's enough of that! Expect a real update when i get home.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

2002-08-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Sit alone,
Contemplating what is missing inside me,
I desperately try to remember,
A life that's not meant to be.
I meditate and try to recapture,
Some sense of reality.

But I look around,
I see numb, empty faces.
The world is waiting to die.
And this apathy is so suffocating,
To slowly kill off my mind.
I've searched the world for someone with answers,
The questions that are plaguing me,
I scream in vain at anyone who'll listen,
But everyone is watching TV.

Is anyone alive?!
Am I lost in a world where nothing matters?
Am I lost in a world where no one cares?
Is anyone else here?
Does anyone else care?
Are we lost in a world where nothing matters?
Are we lost in a world where no one cares?
Where no one cares..."
--Television, Stabbing Westward.

2002-07-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

Main point of post today.

Look at the cool pictures Flamebyrd drew for me to use on the UNISFA Web Comic!

*Beams*
Aren't they great? It shouldn't be too hard to adapt each one to be various UNISFANS and then use it in my comic. (Maybe I can talk her into drawing up osme side on temples for me...*g*) The one on the left is Liz minus glasses, the other is random blonde guy.
Either way, I'll try to get the comic started up again after the first week of Semester is over and I start to get settled again.

First day on Uni: Wouldn't you believe it, I SLEPT in, and missed my first class of semester! *gasp!* yes, I know, I was quite shocked with myself too! But hopefully I didn't miss anything important.
Mental note to self: Never attend any creative writing lectures again. God our lecture is boring in that subject.
Java seemed more interesting then haskell was (well, it's somewhat hard to get LESS interesting than haskell was) and I intend to actually put work into this one! Here's hoping for a good mark.

Either way, early start, sleep needed.

Expect my next update when you read it.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"dore dake kimi wo aishitara kono omoi todoku no darou
mitsumerareru to ienai kotoba ga chuu ni mau
hanarereba hanareru hodo itoshii hito da to kizuku
motomereba motomeru hodo ni setsunai kyori wo kanjiteru my heart"
--1/3 no Junjou na Kanjou, Kenshin Ending

2002-07-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Syndicate Bad-Boy

Find out what anime villan you are.

2002-07-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

"I am so weak and I'm so tired. It's hard for me to,
Find enough strength to feed the fires, that fuel my ego.
And consequently all my pride has all but died, which leads me,
Down on my knees back to the place I shoulda started from.
Been beat up. Been broken down.
No where but up when you're face down on the ground.
I'm in last place. If I place at all.
But there's hope for this....underdog."
--Underdog, Adrenaline Audio.

Spent most of the last hour counting down my Ebay auction, which I won for a very cheap price, by the by, and packing all my things for Uni tommorrow (my whole notepad and a pen).
Didn't get a chance to do any drawings today, spent most of my last hours of freedom watching the last episode of season one Exo-Squad, which, may i say, were very good.

"You go and tell him to watch! Go tell (Admiral) Whitfield, Mathew Marcus, knew how to die..."
--Captain Marcus, as he drove the Exo-Fleet Flag Ship 'Resolute' at the Neo-Sapian Flag ship and self detonated.

Got some cool drawings done yesterday (or at least, i think they're cool, in reality, they're probably not all that great) I'll be carrying around my sketchbook to work in when I have some freetime and will be happy to lets you browse it on request, though there's not terribly much in this one just yet, only 2 real things just yet, the rest have just been practice various things, mainly eyes. Going to work on bodies soon. Really need to. Specially arms and hands. Once I master the whole uper torso, things become much cooler, and we can do some nifty stuff. Ah, maybe one day I'll be a good manga artist.

"If I could be like that,
I would give anything!
Just to live one day in those shoes.
If I could be like that,
What would I do, what would I do..."
--Be Like That, Three Doors Down.

So, University starts tommorrow, and once again, I'm stuck with four 8am starts, how wonderful. *mutters under his breath*
Well, let's just hope I can remain more focussed on Uni Works this year, and, in addition, start going to bed early so that I', not absolutely wasted 100 percent of the time, like I was last semester.

Been feeling better then I have been recently, still not feeling 'happy' or 'dandy' (well, okay, the day I describe my mood as dandy, someone shoot me for the good of humanity) but I'm not wallowing the depths of depression, I'm more swimming in the shallow waters of moodiness. I believe 'eh' describes my current mood best at the moment.

Let's just hope this semester is better then my last semester at University, I don't think i could survive another one like my last one.
Ick.
Well, Deep Blue Sea is about to start, and after that, it's off to bed, I have a 5:30am start, so you won't be seeing anymore late night updates from this young Prince for a while now.

"Beneath it's glassy surface, a world of gliding monsters."
--Blonde haired chick, Deep Blue Sea.

Expect my next post when you read it.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rhines,
But the lack thereof would leave me up the inside.
Swallow my doubt, turn it inside out,
Find nothing but faith in nothing."
--Eve 6, Inside Out.

2002-07-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine,
About nothing and everything all at once!
I am one of those, melodramatic fools,
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it."
--Basket Case, Green Day.

Just when you think that it's impossible for you to feel any closer to shit, the universe throws a whole pile of crap at you that just destroys your morale and knocks you down to a whole new level of woe and misery.

Nothing really happened today, but I suppose that was the point, it gave me time to do nothing but reflect on how depressed I am, which in turn made me feel even more depressed as I once again mulled over the hopeless futility of the situation I find myself in, and how there's no 'easy way out' only a long slow hard road full of main and misery for me. Pain and misery only for me.
Sometimes it sucks having to bear a burden on your own, if even you bear that burden solitarily of your own choosing.

"Make a joke and I will sigh,
And you will laugh, and I will cry.
Happiness I cannot feel,
And love to me is so unreal."
--Paranoid, Black Sabbath.

Sonnlich talked me into going a freind's birthday party tonight (Though I probably would have gone of my own choosing in the end anyway) and I can't really say I had fun or that it cheered me up at all. In fact, the walk through UWA at night time for about an hour did more for me. That's not to say it wasn't a fun party, everyone else seemed to be having fun, but I can't seem to see through my own black throws of depression and have fun at the moment.
My apologies to any of my friends who i brushed off or seemed distant too (Pam and Polly particulary) or ignored alltogether, it's nothing against you, I just aren't in the best of moods, and I really do consider you as friends.
I just probably shouldn't have gone at all feeling like I do at the moment.

"I still believe that I cannot be saved,
I still believe that I cannot be saved,
I still believe that I cannot be saved!"
--Bullet With Butterfly Wings, Smashing Pumpkins.

Well, sitting up at one am ranting and raving about how crap the day has been probably isn't going to help things at all.

So, other then the constant depression, the returning sore knee, the feeling of an oncoming cold, the looming hell of university and complete lack of self esteem, today was great.

I'll just crawl into bed and hope I don't wake up in the morning.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"And so as you hear these words,
Telling you now of my state,
I tell you to enjoy life,
I wish I could, but it's too late."
--Paranoid, Black Sabbath.

2002-07-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Is there anything to feel?
Is it pain that makes me real?
Cut me off before it kills me."
--Long Way Down, Goo Goo Dolls.

Ah, bitter sweet pain. Still you ride the journey of life by my side.
A companion, if an unwelcome one, is still a companion.

Another day, another exercise in futility. You'd think the Universe would take a break, say it's had its fun tormenting me for the week and go find a new play thing, but it seems it just can't get enough.
On the good news front, my knee is feeling a lot better, and I think it will be completly fine by next Saturday, though I am rather annoyed at missing martial arts training tonight, as it's one of the highlights of my week.
Despite Entro's jests, I will indeed, own him at Tekken 4, no matter how badly he mauls me at Tekken 3, of this I am sure. Just you wait Entro! Your time will come.
Hmmm, not much else to report, really. Tommorrow I'm going to go and buy all my stationary for the year, pens, notepads, lecture pads, etc, but no text books yet, as I currently have next to no idea exactly what they are.

The prospect of yet another semester of University is not one that appeals to me in the slighest, in fact, it fills me with a sense of forboding dread. A doom stalking me like a predator in the shadows. In my current depressed state, I don't know if I'll have the motivation to do the work in the eary weeks that is needed to lay the ground work for actually passing the course.

*sigh*

I should be going into the first few weeks full of motivation and energy, but as it is, I'm going in like a battery that's used up all it's charged, I feel like it's the last week of semester, not the week before it starts.

Everything is so gloomy and terrible.

And to make it worse, and to give me something else to rant about, I got SOAKED going back to my car, as my umbrella failed me, and god took the moment to plummet me with water from the heavens. Absolutely drenched. Luckily I had a change of clothes in my car and a towel, so I didn't stay wet and shivering for long, and I have the immune system of a god, so I won't become sick (Yeah, that's right, I'm tempting you fate), but still, it was just another thing the universe decieded to throw at me in order to try to ruin my day yet again.

Well, universe, you succeeded!

I'll leave you all with words of wisdom from my favourite Mega Man character, Blues (AKA Protoman).

"In the end, you're all alone. You're all you've got. That's the point."

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"Why don't you ever smile Blues?"
"..."
"You're always so quiet."
"..."
Blues and his sister Roll, Megaman 8.

2002-07-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

"This is my December....
These are my snow covered trees....
This is me pretending...
This is all I need...."
--My December, Linkin Park.

Eh, sleeping didn't seem to help much, the pain was still there today, and it plagued me throught most of my waking throughts, I don't know why it's come back so strong, and I'm finding it harder to get rid off then it was before, but then it's only been one day, so maybe I should give it a little bit longer before I angst too badly.
Other then that, didn't really get up to all that much, watched a few episodes of Superman TAS, the season finale of SmallVille, which by the way, is really good, before I headed into Uni around 8pm. Spent the rest of the night at Chris, Chris and Steph's house, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen for them, watched Angel and then came home, where I am now, writing this blog entry.
My knee is still really tender, and chances are I'm going to be skipping trainign tomorrow, and giving it until Saturday to heal. Either that, or I'll just be going and telling them that I have a really sore leg, and to not do anything leg related to me.

"And I don't even care,
To shake these zipper blues.
And we don't know,
Just where our bones will rest,
To dust, I guess.
Forgotten and absorbed,
To the Earth, below."
--1979, The Smashing Pumpkins.

*sigh*
Well, I'm going to have a shower and go to bed I suppose. The clock says one am, I can't remember the last time I went to bed before midnight. The darkness and the emptiness of the night seems to comfort me for some reason.
Well, that, and that it's been hard to sleep these last few days.
I don't know why, I can't find that peace that lets you drift off as easy as I used to, I suppose.
Entro says my recent posts have sounded tormented, and I suppose they have been.

I guess I'll sit around listening to some music and then drift off, I hope.
Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.
I bid the darkness farewell until tommorrow.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"I drive on her streets,
'Cause she's my companion.
I walk through her hills,
'Cause she knows who I am.
She sees my good deeds,
And she kisses me windy.
Lonley as I am, together we cry..."
--Under the Bridge, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

2002-07-16T05:43:00.000-07:00

Low Man's Lyric

Bleh. What a bad day. No other title could better describe my mood.
The day was bad for a number of reasons. Though it tricked me really well, by starting out good, I found a comic that had been missing (JSA #37) and my How to Draw Manga book finally arrived. So, feeling somewhat okay, I left for UNISFA.
At UNISFA, I had all the money in my wallet lifted by some unknown theif, which started my bad day, and it got worse as after I left for training, I found a nasty scratch on my car, i don't know how it got there. Now, at training, I managed to fall badly in a sweep and throw my knee out quite painfully, it should be okay in a day or two, but at th moment, is very tender.
The worse part of the day is, I can't talk about the thing that's making me feel the worst! Not even in my blog! Because it's a very personal issue that I don't want the world at large to know about, but it really has me feeling horrible, and the few people who i can talk to about it don't seem to be around, not that I'd want to talk abou it anyway.
Misery loves company, and ther'es nothing worse then having something make you miserable and having to keep that thing hidden inside yourself, because it slowly gnaws away at your insides like a cancer, leaving you bitter and angsty.
*sigh*
Though so burdens we just have to bear on our own. Some pain we just have to hide from others, and keep inside.
I think, what i'll do, is make another blog, but hide this one somewhere on the web, and not let anyone I know about in real life know where it is, this way, I can put all this crap there, and no one will ever know about it.

I suppose, overall, today wasn't that bad, but my current mood is so crappy, it's hard to see the good aspects at all, they just vanish admit the other sludge.
So I'll just write this off as a bad day and maybe tommorrow will look better.
Though I really doubt it.
Nothing is likely to make this pain go away for a long time.
Nothing at all...

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"And I cry, to the alleyway!
Confess all to the rain!
But I lie, lie straight to the mirror!
Which I've broken,
To match my face..."
--- Metallica, 'Low Man's Lyric', Reload.

2002-07-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

We can devide this update into two parts. Vegeta. And angst Vegeta.

--Normal Vegeta--
In the realm of normal Vegeta, things are going pretty well. Tommo's party was fairly enjoyable, with a few memorable moments. (Despite whatever Pam tells you, there was no breaking, and never will be) Though the highlight of the party was giving Pam the lift home, and listening to her go on for about 20 minutes about the word manical. :) She's the most conversational person when drunk I've ever met. (Also, her vocabulary for large words increases with the amount of liqour she consumes, as far as I can tell) :)

Been watching a lot of cartoons lately, it's been very good. Superman The Animated Series just get's better and better, the most powerful episodes being 'Apokalyips now' and 'Legacy' which is also the Series finale for Superman:TAS.
"Goodbye, old friend. In the end, the world didn't need a super man, just a brave one."
--Superman, Apokalyips Now Part II.
Also, the new Justice League cartoon is one of the most brilliant I've ever seen as is done by a man who I think is god, Bruce Timm, who also did Superman: TAS, Batman:TAS, and Batman Beyond. The series enjoys success in America that's just amazing, sitting in their top 10 most watched shows, and it looks to have a very long life. It also starts one of my favourite comic book characters, Hawk Girl, who i was glad to see finally ger her own time in the sun. Also, her dual feature episode 'Fury' was a very enjoyable watch, as was her last words in the episode 'Legends'. Very moving stuff. I recommended it to anyone who enjoys good drama. DC can beat the pants off almost all anime when it really wants too, and I worship Bruce Timm more then any anime guy alive. So if that's not high praise for this show, then I just do not know what is.
"It's stupid really, why should I feel like this, I mean, they weren't even real."
"They gave their lives for us. That's real enough for me."
--Green Lantern and Hawk Girl, from 'Legends' discussing the death of the illusionary Justice Guild of America in another dimension.
Hmmm, what else. Tommorrow is looking cool, going into town with a friend to go and get a whole new bunch of comics. Hawk Man, Justice Society of America, Justice League, Ultimate Spider-man, Transformers: Armada and Green Lantern. Also, they might have the new issue of Transformers Generation One there, but I cannot be sure.

I bet you've all bee waiting for the angst Vegeta section, but hah! my angsty thoughts are too personal to write here, so instead, you just get this.

Annnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggsssssssssssssttttttttttttt.

Expect my next post when you read it. :)

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"If you play by Darksied's rules, someone's going to die, and it won't be him."
--Supergirl to Superman, 'Legacy'.

2002-07-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

It was a golden age for all mankind,
Using the incredible exoskeletons called E-Frames,
We had succesfulyl terraformed Venus and Mars,
And were poised to move onto the outer planets.

Suddenly it all ended!
We were pressed into a nightmarish war,
On a scale previously unimagined.
We were attacked by our own creations,
The Neo-Sapians.
A race of artifically created humans,
Lead by Phaton, they have siezed control of Venus, Earth and Mars.

I am Lt. J. T. Marsh,
A member of the Exo Fleet,
And leader of a small team of E-Frame pilots,
Dedicated to freeing humanity from Neo-Sapian rule.
We are, the Exo-Squad!

2002-07-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Feeling in an average mood today.
Started of the fine morning with Ninjukai Tajujitsu, and got personal training from the Shihan. I still need to work on my rools, left and right ones most of all, though I have break falls down pretty good now, and my strike and stance are really comming along well. Though I also need to work on my range and we just started with throws and locks today, so that should be good fun to work out for now.
Spent the rest of the day watching Superman: The Animated Series. The best episodes being 'The Late Mr. Kent', 'Knight's Work' and 'Little Girl Lost'. I'm sure there were plenty of other great ones in there that I'm just forgetting to mention. I'm thinking of ending the evening with some X-Men Evolution. Another really good show I recommended to anyone.
Speaking of good shows, the character of 'Hawk Girl' from "Justice League" has really started to grow on me after her semi-feature episode 'Fury'. At first I just thought she was some lame addition but now she's really starting to come through as a character I can really see myself liking. Though I still think John Stewert is a crappy Green Lantern and that they should have Kyle Rayner in it. But oh well.

"In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight, let those who worship evil's might, beware my power, Green Lantern's light!"
--Motto of the Green Lantern Corps.

Also watched the movie 'The Professional'. It was a good watch, if really dark, with a said ending (*sniffle* Poor Leon *sniffle*) but overall it was a good film.
Tommorrow is looking, average, gonna see if I can get this pirated copy of Freedom Force working again, if not, oh well, guess I won;t get to play it. I'm also dying to play the next Final Fantasy, but I won't get to for quite some time. Need to spend the vast majority of tommorrow convincing my mother to give me the 50 dollars I need to purchase a 'How to draw Anime' book that I ordered a little while ago. here's hoping. *fingers crossed*

That's about all the details of today. Insert random rant about the suckiness of the universe [Here] because that seems to be the current trend with blogs, and I can't be bothered writing one. ^_^
I'm not happy or anything, but I'm not particularily depressed either, just sort of, eh, I suppose. :)
Also hoping to get some more of my novel written tommorrow. That's the plan anymore, as I think the house is actually open tommorrow as well, which always complicated my plans for the day.
*grumble*
Either way, the future willl bring what it will bring.
Now, I'm off to watch some X-Men evolution!
Stay Safe.
--Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans.

"He spends his nights in California,
Watching the stars on the big screen,
And then he lies awake and he wonders,
Well why can't that be me?
Cause in his life he's full of all these good intentions,
He's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now.
Just before he says goodnight,
He looks up with a little smile at me and he says:

If I could be like that,
Well I would give anything.
Just to live one day in those shoes.
If I could be like that,
What would I do?
What would I do....."

--Be Like That, Three Doors Down.

2002-07-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Thought for the day: Hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment. Trust is the first stone in the path to betrayal.

My universe has been thrown into chaos!
All my constants have been thrown out the window!

Argh chaos!

First, do i not only discover a good friend of mine, (Goth Chris) who I thought was older then me by like, 2 or 3 years turn out to be YOUNGER than me (Argh!) But it also turns out people have been gossiping about me!
Me! Who always assumed it was outside the scope of such petty things!
*throws his hands up in the air*
The word's gone mad I say! Mad! The Universe has taken all the basic rules and flipped then upside down! What next! Tom eating meat! Davyd cutting his hair! Everythings gone INSANE.

But other thean that, things are quite okay. :)
Saw Blade II, was mildly amusing, nothing too brilliant, but it had it's moments, pity they were too far apart. I recommended it just for the fight scenes, but do not expect too much.

That's all for today. *yawn*
Time for this Saiyan Prince to go to bed.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"What do humans know of our pain? We sung songs of lament since before your ancestors crawled on their bellies from the sea."
--Farseer Eldrad Ulthran.

2002-07-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

"Are you aching for the blade? That's okay, we're insured. Are you aching the grave? That's okay, we're insured."
--Getting Away With it, James.

Been a few days since my last update.
So, what's been happening.
Very little. Just the way i like it. :)

Lost to Oliver today at Warhammer 40k, because of his WROUGHTY Chaos Lord. Stupid evil git.
Um, liking Nunjukai Taujutsu lots, glad I started it. It's very cool. :)
Duh, brain no work. Me no type well.

Hmmmm. Smallville was on at last tonight. Was so much more enjoyable seeing in on TV then it is watching on a computer screen I must say. It's really cool. :)
Going to see Blade II tommorrow, hoping it would be cool, it has the potential to goeither way, however.

So, it's holidays, and what does that mean?!
ANIME MARATHONS!!!
*grin*
Gonna watch ALL of Eva followed by ALL of Guyver followed by ALL of Sakura followed by ALL of Kenshin(again!) and ALL of Nadesico and ALL of Inu Yashu and ALL of...well, you get the general idea. (Throw all I have of DBZ into there somewhere if I get time)
This should help me forget everything I learnt this semester and replace it with random japanese nonsense!
*gives a double thumbs up*
That's what life's ALL about.

Tired. *yawn*
Should probably go to bed.

Oh, may i also note how much I hate the word 'snog'. It is now my most hated word. All those who use it when talking to me will be shot on sight with no mercy! ("You, who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff." Optimus Prime to Megatron, TF: The movie). I hate that word, it's so repulsive and disgusting. Really urks me.

Other then that, nothing else to say!
Sayonara and good night!

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here...."
--Radiohead, Creep.

2002-06-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

What Neon Genesis Evangelion character are you?

Exams are over, and not a moment too soon, if I do say so myself, which I do! *grin*
Today was a rather good day, even is there isn't a part of my body that is without pain.
Joined up with Ninjukai Taijutsu this morning, and it was great! It seemed almost like actual Japan inside the Dojo, with everyone using Japanese name suffixs, proper bowing, meditation before classes. Was good! We started off with break rolling, falling, and some basic punches. Having taken a few times to get the basic idea of break falling, I'm very sore all over, a few mis falls leavesa you aching all ooooooooooover.
Thus, I decieded I'd take a nice relaxing afternoon/evening and would sit at home playing my Playstation 2. Hired out 'Devil May Cry' and from what I've sun thus far, it's pretty neat, even if the main boss is insanely hard, but I'll best him yet, don't worry.
It's somewhat annoying that i can't have my Warhammer 40k game against Chris tommorrow because the Student Guild at the place where I attent Uni(College) has rekeyed the clubroom, and the Club Presidents won't be getting their new ones until sometime this week. Oh whell. :)
That's about all from me for the day....
Devil May Cry calls me again, so I better not leave it waiting....

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"Heaven must be hell in the sky."
--Rammstein, Engel.

2002-06-26T05:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it's offical.
I've given up Rhee Tae-Kwon-Do.
*GASP!*
I just felt I wasn't getting what I wanted out of this martial art, it was far too rigid, far too 'perfect this stle' and tournament like fighting, so, I've gone looking for something new.
What I'm considering, is Ninjukai Taijutsu.
Here's a sample from their webpage.

"Ninjukai Taijutsu is a living thing. It is a discipline that has no boundary and is infinite. Because it is alive, it is constantly in a state of fluidity and flow. Like flowing water, it continually blends in with its environment. It understands that no living thing can be a thing unto itself; it needs to strike a relationship and be in accord with its environment. So, Ninjukai understands that techniques per se are really of not much use unless we can see the relationship they need to cultivate with the environment. Ninjukai is about the study and understanding of this relationship, which cannot be arranged, nor dictated, nor governed by rules. One must understand that this relationship is the study of spontaneity. Ninjukai understands that techniques are 'relative' - they only have significance when one can relate them to the situation at hand. And the obvious truth about situations is that they are random and infinite. So the point is, it really is futile to learn techniques vis-à-vis planned situations, because situations are not going to happen in real life the way you want them to. It is therefore imperative that one understand and experience spontaneity so that one can relate techniques to "infinite situations", and not be confined to techniques for "pre-planned situations"."

Sounds like my kind of place. I'll be checking it out this Saturday (They have their own Dojo, and don't just rent) and if I like the look of it, I'll sign up. This is good, because it fits in with my plans to reallt start working my muscles,
they have a full gymn, and I intend to do some intensive training in order to bulk up and put some real muscle on my body.

Their webpage is http://www.ninjukai.com.au/ for anyone thinking of having a look.

I'll need to study tommorrow, didn't do ANY today, I just can't work up the motivation, I care so very little for this test on Friday. :)

But, it's all almost over, and compared to a few days ago, my spirits are quite high, it's amazing what a day or two can do for your soul. Plus, the new martial arts gives me something to look foward too. :)

That's all from the Prince today.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"I am so weak and I'm so tired,
It's hard for me to,
Fine enough strength to feed the fires,
That fuel my ego,
And cosequently all my pride has all but died,
Which leads me,
Down on my knees back to the place I shoulda started from.

Been beat up, been broken down.
No where but up when you're face down on the ground,
I'm in last place,
If I place at all.
But there's hope for this, Under Dog."

2002-06-24T02:59:00.000-07:00

"And they say that a Hero could save us..."
Hero, NickelBack, Spider-man Soundtrack.

Feeling in better spirits then I was yesterday, but still very stressed and a little depressed. Maths would be easy if I only had the motivation to study hard tonight, but with a headache and this flu, I'm happy to do enough to pass the exam and get a pass mark overall. *shrug* I'm only in the unit because the damn Uni forced me to do it...

Had a peek at Freedom Force, and have added that to the list of things I want. Quite a long list now, the major five being Robotech DVDs, Final Fantasy X, Freedom Force, Tekken 4 and the Evangelion DVDs to replace my old worn VHS collection.
Plus, i want to be in the new house, this state of limbo my family is existing in at the moment is taxing my spirit to the absolute max.

"Just you watch, I'll live till the bitter end! I'll live the hard life of a warrior! Untill we meet again.....Heero...."
--Zechs, White Fang Commander, Gundam Wing.

I can't waaaaaaaait till exams are over. *angst* *angst* *angst* This will be so much better when the stress is gone from my life...
*sigh*
Not long now, the ordeal is ALMOST over...

Speaking Tekken 4 before, I made a boast that I'm going to be better them Tom is at it. So, once exams are over, I'll have to start studying it in order to fufil this boat I have made. :)

Anyway, I'm so tired, I think I'll go have a nap...

--Vegeta, Tired and Worn Down Saiyan Prince.

2002-06-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

When eyes are closed as if in prayer
The world simply disappears there into the darkness
Even so, my heartbeat starts again
Looking for a bounded eternity

Please come back to me,
Before you are born
To the earth you spent your days on
Please come back into my arms
To meet again
Miracles do happen, however many times

Tamashii no rufuran.....
(Soul's refrain....)

--Tamashii no rufuran, Evangelion Death and Rebirth.

I hate everything.
Stress and depression are rending at my brain and are slowly threatening to push me into the abyss, where my mind will fall and never find any real respite. Perhaps I've already fallen, and my mind is just slowly reveliving the last moments of my happiness again and again in some vauage and impossibly futile denial of the reality that my life has become a hell of mundane sameness, never changing or growing any better or worse. That I'm already doomed to this non interesting life of nothingness. I'm stuck in a neverending circle of pointless stress mixed in with depression and general feelings of self loathing and worthlessness, and there's no way out, or at least, that's the way it seems.
No one actually cares about how I feel, the ones who go by the term 'friends' display the outside emotions of sympathy or of understanding, but it's easy to see through the facade they are generating, and see that they're all concerned with their own problems. This is no bad reflection on them, we all have things we need to deal with, but it doesn't help quash the almost never ending feelings of loneliness and isolation from society when the ones who claim to be your companions in this word won't take a brief time out from their lives and put in the needed effort to breech the outer shell of the wall you hide behind in order to understand you and thus try to comfort you in your moment of need.
It's true we all need to be loved, whether it be by family, friends, or lovers, and when we find these things we hold so dear seemingly uncaring towards the prision of pain and frustration we find ourselves trapped in it can render your soul usunder and threated to bring any fleeting hopes of resolution crashing down upon you like the never ending waves of a black and endlessly deep ocean. Constantly beating at your resolve, trying to break you down and pull you into it's murky depths to slowly perish in the cold darkness alone and cut off from everyone you love and who claim to care for you.
However, sometimes when those you expect to be able to fall back on fail to catch you as you slide the unexpected person can often pull you back to your feet. I've found a few new people who are willing to help me for now, and for this, I am grateful. The shinning beacon of their new kindess is like a light that is trying to lead me out of the void I find myself trapped in. Though I can't help but wonder if exposure to me will dull this light until it is no longer concered for leading me out, and becomes a seemigly false light, not longer that concerned with what's really getting me down, and happy to believe the superficial answers I give it. Knowing they aren't true, but not caring enough to probe the surface to find what it really bothering me.
Hmmmm, I'm sounding a lot more like Zechs tonight then I am Vegeta. *sigh* I wish exams were over, I don't think i can stand this stress and depression any more, though holidays don't promise to be any better.

Still five more days until i can just lie down and die. Once Friday is passed, rather then party like my comrades, i think I might just go home and sit in the dark, and be able to not stress over anything at all.....

I suppose I just need some direction in my life, and some way to stop the bitter loniless that has wrapped itself around my soul like a cold blanket and is pulling me slowly into that dark forboding sea of neverending misery....

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"I know, I know I've let you down,
I've been a fool to myself,
I thought I could live for no one else.
But now, through all the hurt and pain,
It's time for me to respect,
The ones you love mean more than anything.
And so with sadness in my heart,
I feel the best thing I could do,
Is end it all and live forever.
What's done is done, it feels so bad,
What once was happy now is sad,
I'll never love again my world is ending....

I wish that I could turn back time,
'Cause now the guilt is all mine,
Can't live without the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past,
You can't forget love and pride,
Because of that its killing me inside..."

--Komm Susser Tod(Come Sweet Death) Evangelion, Death and Rebirth.

2002-06-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

"I am! I will! So no, longer. Will I, lay down, play dead, play your doe, in the headlights, locked down and terrified. Your deer, in the headlights, shot down and horrified. When push comes to pull comes to shove, comes to step around this self destructive dance that never would have mattered 'Till I rose, I roared aloud, Here, I will I am!"
--Rose, A Perfect Circle.

Idealist

Find out what bishonen you are.

"My destiny is smeared with blood and I will not be talked from this trangession. Let's settle this Heero!"
--Zechs, Gundam Wing 49, The Final Victor

Sweet, I'm Zechs. All i need is my mecha now, and my hair to be longer.

Average day today. Probably failed my Haskell exam. But won a nice game of 40k. Feel as if I'm becomming closer friends with Oliver, which pleases me. He's a cool person. Drifting away from others, tho. But it happens.

Three more exams to go. More study to do tommorrow. maths, mostly.

"You're such an inspiration
For the ways that I will never ever choose to be.
Oh, so many ways for me to show you how your
Savior has abandoned you."
--Judith, A Perfect Circle.

Current mood? Angst. Angst. Angst. Times like this I praise my leather coat. how I love it so. it's my one real friend. I can't wait until my hair is long. Long blonde hair against it will be nice.

I don't suppose I really had muvh of anything to say today. Just was bored and depressed and felt like posting.

--Vegeta, Angsty Prince.

Kickin' Ass

Find out what anime character cliche you are.

2002-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know what team i just watched lose to Korea, but it wasn't Italy.

Someone wake me up from this nightmare.

Any happiness I had in my heart has sunk into nothingness.
WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!
Someone explain it to me, because I'm at a god damn lose for words.

Trapattoni you fucking loser. What the is wrong with you? I could have come up with better plays then that.
I wouldn't let you coach my brothers soccer league.
I hope they fire you now and expell you from Italy. You disgrace.
Losing to a second rate soccer country like Korea. You've disgraced your country forever.

I hope you burn in hellfire, you pathetic excuse for a human being.

Excuse me now while I go back to crying.

--Vegeta, Very, very distraught Azurre Sayain Prince.

2002-06-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

*yawn*

Two days until my Computer Science exam. And woe is me. Though things are looking up a little. After doing two labs tonight, I find myself with a slightly better grounded understanding of Haskell, and hopefully tommorrow I can get a few more done and will be able to pass this annoying exam.
Hugs to Davyd and Adrian for being great freinds and offering to sit down with me tommorrow and the day after and make sure I understand enough to pass the exam, in Davyd's words, "You're not going to fail this exam, damn it."
They give me hope I may not actually have to repeat the Unit.
Once it's over, I'm going to have to start with my mad Maths study, and learn that entire course in...*counts on his fingers* 3 days. *gulp* Luckily, I find Maths a lot easier then I do Haskell. And should do okay. (let's hope). Also have IT on Saturday, but am on such a mark that i cannot fail that unit. (Unless I get like, 20%), and when all i want is 50, I'm sitting sweet.

Oh! Also, I brought in my picture I drew last night of Velythia's character(Ilythia) and mine(Kurita) from my D&D campign into Uni today to show around, and to my pleasure (and surprise) Velythia actually liked it, and didn't tear me into tiny little peices like i was expecting. ^_^
Everyone else seemed to appreciate the humour of the pic (Which showed her character gazing up lovingly at mine, despite her character's rather verbal wishes to see me dead. ^_^). All in all, i was glad people liked it. Though I still have a looooong way to go before I'm a decent anime arist who can make something from nothing.

Also, according to Chas, I'm 'more likeable when I'm not angsty'. Well, I suppose the 'un-angsty' Vegeta is the real me, but isn't one that's going to be seen much during the pressures of exams. But once they're over, and I can but the dramas of this semester behind me, I'll try to be a more happy smiley person in future. (Yeah, right. ^^)

Hmmm, that's about all today. Oh! If anyone sees me in UNISFA tommorrow, they're to kick my ass! (Unless I'm eating lunch). I have to sit in UCC all day with Adrian and Davyd and learn Haskell. (MUST LEARN!)

Take care everyone.

--Vegeta, Your Saiyan Prince.

"Senaka ni mimi o pitto tsukete dakishimeta
kyokaisen mitai na karada ga jyamada ne dokka itchaiso nanosa
Damatteru tto chigireso dakara konna kimochi
hankei san METER inai no sekai de motto motto hittsuitetai no sa

Kawaribanko de PEDAL o koide ojigi no himawari toorikoeshi
gungun kaze o nomikonde sou tobeso jyan
Hajimete kanjita kimi no taion dare yori mo tsuyoku naritai
attakai RHYTHM niko no shinzo ga kuttsuiteku....

Kuchibiru tto kuchibiru me tto me tto tte tto tte
Kami-sama wa nani mo kinshi nanka shitenai aishiteru aishiteru aishiteru
atashi mada koritenai otona jya wakannai
kurushikute setsunakute misetakute panku shichau
soppo mite matteru kara pokke no mayotteru tte de hoppe ni furete
koi shiteru chikara ni maho o kakete...."

--1/2, Kenshin Theme

2002-06-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

*yawn*

Two days until my Computer Science exam. And woe is me. Though things are looking up a little. After doing two labs tonight, I find myself with a slightly better grounded understanding of Haskell, and hopefully tommorrow I can get a few more done and will be able to pass this annoying exam.
Hugs to Davyd and Adrian for being great freinds and offering to sit down with me tommorrow and the day after and make sure I understand enough to pass the exam, in Davyd's words, "You're not going to fail this exam, damn it."
They give me hope I may not actually have to repeat the Unit.
Once it's over, I'm going to have to start with my mad Maths study, and learn that entire course in...*counts on his fingers* 3 days. *gulp* Luckily, I find Maths a lot easier then I do Haskell. And should do okay. (let's hope). Also have IT on Saturday, but am on such a mark that i cannot fail that unit. (Unless I get like, 20%), and when all i want is 50, I'm sitting sweet.

Oh! Also, I brought in my picture I drew last night of Velythia's character(Ilythia) and mine(Kurita) from my D&D campign into Uni today to show around, and to my pleasure (and surprise) Velythia actually liked it, and didn't tear me into tiny little peices like i was expecting. ^_^
Everyone else seemed to appreciate the humour of the pic (Which showed her character gazing up lovingly at mine, despite her character's rather verbal wishes to see me dead. ^_^). All in all, i was glad people liked it. Though I still have a looooong way to go before I'm a decent anime arist who can make something from nothing.

Also, according to Chas, I'm 'more likeable when I'm not angsty'. Well, I suppose the 'un-angsty' Vegeta is the real me, but isn't one that's going to be seen much during the pressures of exams. But once they're over, and I can but the dramas of this semester behind me, I'll try to be a more happy smiley person in future. (Yeah, right. ^^)

Hmmm, that's about all today. Oh! If anyone sees me in UNISFA tommorrow, they're to kick my ass! (Unless I'm eating lunch). I have to sit in UCC all day with Adrian and Davyd and learn Haskell. (MUST LEARN!)

Take care everyone.

--Vegeta, Your Saiyan Prince.

"Senaka ni mimi o pitto tsukete dakishimeta
kyokaisen mitai na karada ga jyamada ne dokka itchaiso nanosa

damatteru tto chigireso dakara konna kimochi
hankei san METER inai no sekai de motto motto hittsuitetai no sa

2002-06-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

"Memories are always beautiful, however that will not stop my hunger."
--Sobakasu
It's somewhat surprising, that on a very cold, very wet, and incredibly windy day such as this, that I should find myself sitting around and not feeling incredibly depressed. This is even more surprising, when one combines the fact that exams loom just next week, and I have this feeling that I am oh so going to fail all of them. However, no Saiyan ever bows down without a fight, and so I'm going to struggle on to the bitter end.
Best of luck to my friends who are starting their exams tommorrow with Engineering 101, Jen and Davyd being the one's that come to mind first. I hope you guys do really well! (Even if I haven't seen you do any study!)
But, despite my current good mood, I'm sure this existance will soon drain it away like the parastic Vampire it is, leaving my depressed and lonley once more.

"I don't want to die!"
"Then you should never have been born."
--Sita, The Last Vampire, Christopher Pike.

Speaking of Vampire's, as Chris said, there's nothing like a study break to motivate you to do things that are not study, and I recently got back to working on my Vampire novel, 'Daughter of Fate' and am making quite a lot of progress on it. Those who are interested, I've put the draft of the first three chapters online. Please remember, all this is copyrighted to me, and if you try to steal any of my ideas, I will personally track you down through the sands of time and on all plains of existance and procede to kick your ass. ^_^
http://www.geocities.com/seele02/vampire.html

"140 years ago, in the chaos of the Tokugawa regime, there was an Imperialist in Kyoto nicknamed, 'Battousai the Manslayer.' Admist the bloodshed, he killed, and carved a way to the new Meji era. He was the strongest. Battousai. However, he disappeared into thin air as the chaos came to a close. His whereabouts are still unknown. Battousai the Manslayer has become a man of legend."

I have recently finished watching all of the Rurouni Kenshin series, and, while the last few story arcs are a little weak, the Kyoto arc more then makes up for it with its almost non-stop drama. I really recommened this to anyone with a taste for anime and/or Japanese history and swordfighting. It REALLY is very well done. The thrills never end. All I need to do now is see the OAVs. Time to annoy Phillip I think. Speaking of which, I need to burn the rest of it for a friend....

**Moments of Roleplaying Goodness**
*Gale hangs from a tree branch with his arms wrapped around it, his legs flailing helplessly. The enemy Mage moves along it, ready to cut his hands off, Ilythia calls out.*
"How you doing Gale?"
"Everything's under control!"

Reading through Chris' LJ's 'Friends' section, I'll make a note that I can sympathize with how this 'Nacey' girl feels. I myself am probably even more old fashioned, in that, I intend not to just wait for love, but to wait for marraige. And I know how it is, people always crusade about how one needs to be accepting of other's sexuality choices, yet a lot of times people seem to consider those who decide on the course of waiting to be a threat to their own belief systems, or this is just the reaction that I have encounted. Steph just tells me I'm a sweetie. ^_^
I am lucky enough however, to be of the male species, which also stops any of my friends trying to set me up and stuff. (Well, that, and the fact I would just say NO if they tried, and not in humour their foolish little plans :D) And I don't seem to really have anyone cursading to try to lower my purity, (In fact, I seem to have a horde of people who DEFEND it, I suppose the idea of a male that wants to retain his purity is like one of those endangeered species people see and just have to help out. This can sometimes be just as annoying, however. ^_^) I'd also like to point out, one can be innocent and NOT niave.

Moving along...

My Warhammer 40,000 Tournament is coming together quite nicely, if only exams were over so I could work on it more continuosly, oh well. I suppose I can bide my time. ^_^ Exams will be over in two weeks. Oh how the bliss can then begin. The light on the hill, to quote Mr. Whitlam.

I trully do wish my hair would hurry up and GROW. So I can tie it back, and it can cease to look so utterly poofy and stupid, as it does now. And I can cease using hair mousse, which I really do HATE to use.

Hmm, I suppose that would be all I have to stay today. Sorry for all those who were expecting story format. But I wanted to do regular format today.

Stay safe everyone.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"If there is such a thing as "eternity,"
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone."
--My Will, Inu Yasha Ending.

2002-06-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

We take a break from our regular transmission for this news flash.

ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITALY THROUGH TO ROUND TWO OF THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Italy - 1 Mexico -1
ITALIA!!! ITALIA!!! ITALIA!!! ITALIA!!! ITALIA!!! ITALIA!!!
Look out Korea!!!!

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince (Also Italy supporter)

2002-06-05T03:56:00.000-07:00

Our hero finds himself on another day nearer to the final battle that draws ever closer with every passing moment.
The inevibility of his own doom seems to almost consume him somtimes, but never the less, he struggles onwards to try and complete his training in time. Today, he baught the last of his supplies, and aquired the needed tomes of knowledge, and stands ready to begin the last, and most grueling, portion of his trials. But, like all true Saiyans, our warrior shall not falter.

For victory in battle is always the most sweeted of tastes. Especially over an enemy most despised.

Standing triumphant over another sworn enemy, the Saiyan warrior's cloak blows in the cold wind, as 'E-Commerce Test Two' lies broken and defeated. The Saiyans hands grip his half drunk Coca Cola can as he lets out a cruel laugh, screaming to the heavens, "Take that, Sharon! Bwhahaahahaha!"

Unfortunitly, not all survived unscathed, the mighty Shiney Pen was wounded before our hero destroyed it, but the injury is not fatal, and our valiant warrior predicts she will easily be able to defeat the final obstacle the boring Sharon as in store for the party on their trials. Thus he took a short break, to complete his pet project, the 'Gundam Wing Zero custom' model, which stands completed over his magical bix of picture viewing. And a mighty sight it is.

But now is not the time for celebration of his victory, there are still other trials too near, the final battle with Haskell Assignment Two looms over our Hero, tommorrow is the fated day. but with Davyd's sword of haxxing strapped to his belt, he cannot fail.

So we leave our valiant Saiyan warrior for the day, he turns slowly, and walks away into the rain, his eyes cast towards the now rainy skies, dreaming of something known only to him.

One could only hazard a guess as to what troubles his heart...

--Vegeta.

2002-06-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Even if I love you to death,
You may only realize 1/3 of my feelings,
My pure emotions are swinging wide,
My heart cannot even say "I love you."

Long sleepless nights expresses my feeling towards for you,
It whispers, 'This is the love.'
My shaking heart beat keeps talking to me endlessly,
But it'll change to sigh with a slight fever.

Give me a smile and shiny days,
By your smile,
I can withstand the cold of a frozen night.

Even if I love you to death,
You may only realize 1/3 of my feelings,
My pure emotions are swinging wide,
My heart cannot even say "I love you."

Give me a smile and shiny days,
Don't look grim so suddenly!
I'll clear everything no matter what it takes.

Whoever you love, these images will reach them, right?
Don't say you can find them, your words are dancing in space.
The further apart you go, the more it hurts the person you love
The more I chase them, the more my heart feels the cruel distance...

Give me a smile and shiny days,
Give me a smile and nice days,
If only we could meet in an embrace...
Whoever you love, these images will reach them, right?
If only you had said so in your dreams

Even if I love you to death,
You may only realize 1/3 of my feelings,
My pure emotions are swinging wide,
My heart cannot even say "I love you."

--1/3, Rurouni Kenshin Ending Song.

Just a song I really like. ^_^

--Vegeta

2002-06-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

Reflections of a Broken Mirror.

"I am! I will! So no, longer! Will I! Lay down! Play dead! Play this... beatdown! Gun-shy! Matyr! Pitiful! I rose! I roared! I will! I am..."
--A Perfect Circle, Rose.

It has been a while since we last saw our hero, let us see where things are as they stand.

Our somewhat less than mightywarrior is nearing the end of the first chapter of his saga, however, he has several trials that await him, before he reaches the respite and freedom he so years for.

Arrayed against him stand two mighty armies of darkness, the vile and evil forces of Haskell, lead by the insanely boring General Lyndon, who is allied with the Fuheress Wally, current ruler of the dark lands known as Mathematics. These two vile fiends will stop at nothing to see our hero crash and burn in the eternal hell fires of faluire. He defeated their first minions, Haskell Assignment One, and Mid-Term Maths with a little help from his friends, but after slaying these demons, he was offered no respite.

For out the darkness, attacked the robotic minions of the insanely cackling Dr. Nick! His evil microsoft based terminators of Excell and Word launched themselves at our hero from behind, and while weaker then the minions who had gone before him, they hoped the lack of time he had to deal with them would seal his fate.

But once again, our valiant warrior had his fellow party members to fall back on, with the mighty Barbarian Bob, and the reserved Mage Daniel watching his back, and fighting these two demons, he was able to concentrate on other things, like the pure evil of Economic Commerce that seemed to come from nothingness, and sourrunding him like a cloud of evil, tried to drag him to the oblivian of despair.

Our hero, with the mighty amazon warrior Pen fighting alongside him, tried to fend of the multitude of enemies arrayed against them, directed by their leader, the singular wardrobed Sorcerer Sharon. The first of their minnions, known only as 'Test One' struck a cunning blow, while our hero got overconfident, wounding him, but not keeping him from the fight. Realizing they were too weak to defeat the two warriors one on one, the remaining three combined, and launched an attack at once, with Test Two, Oral Assignment, and Major Essay trying to strike our heroes down! They scored many a mighty blow, and the battle ragged for hours, leaving our traverlers weary, and much of the kingdom of UCC crying with woe as they watched the two struggle on. But with Pen's power of shiny, the enemy was evenutally vanquished, and all was well.

But it was not to last, having sulked away to lick his wounds, General Lyndon returned more boring then ever before, and sprung his new creation, Haskell Assignment Two against the hero! While at the same sime, Fuherss Wally sended warrior after warrior, two duel with our valiant hero, at the early hours of every morning, in order to leave him tired and weary from the continual fighting.

All seemed doomed, and our hero was on the verge of admitting defeat, when once again, the Young Prince of Programming came to his aid, and with one mighty stroke of his sword, his long brown hair glimmering in the evening sun, the fould demon of Assignment Two was vanqushed for all eternity by the fair Davyd.

Dr. Nick, disheartened with the death of Excell and Word, sent his weakest warrior, HTML, to try to slay the hero, but with glee, he hacked into him, for he knew HTML's weakness, and quickly, and swiflty, the demon fell.

So, as it stands now, our hero towers over the bodies of his slain enemies, and around him stand the other members of this great quest. The Young Prince Davyd, The Warrior of Shine Pen, The Mighty Barbarian Bob, and the Mage Daniel.

However, in their foul lairs, the dark Generals hatch their final attempt to thwart the happiness of our hero, together, they assemble all their armies, the Dark legions of Haskell, the Armies of Maths, neigh unstoppable on their own, are aided by the weaker forces of the ever dull E-Commerce, and the Insane followers of Dr. Nick.

With only one week to train, our hero must learn all he needs to face these trials alone, his companions are busy fighting their own battles.

So alone, into the night he marches, his black trench coat blowing in the wind, and his hair darkned by the cold rain that falls on his head.

Only time will tell, if he can slay those who dar try to stand in the way of his freedom....

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

2002-05-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Eh, I won't be posting here again for a while, if ever again.
The novelty has worn of, and I don't like the trend of people knowing what I'm thinking.
If I can't be bothered posting here again in a week or so, I'll delete this link.

--Vegeta.

2002-05-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of a few resolutions for me, and these resolutions shall read as follows...
Diet:
I made this one a few days ago, and so far, have been sticking to it. What I'm going to do, is eat no chocolate, or sweets, or other fatty things like that, and have no potato chips, or fast food, or other such junk food that just isn't healthy for you.
Also, in addition to this, I'm going to give up soft drink(aka, soda) and such, and am only going to drink milk, water, and jiuce from now on. Also, cut out the snacks, and such, so that I'm only eating the three main meals a day. A nice large breakfast, a healthy lunch(which i'm considering making at home, and then bringing into university) and dinner, which I will inform mother, needs to be healthy.
Now I KNOW i can do this, I did this ALL through year 12, to get fit for the Army, and it worked, but I slacked off in first year Uni, and as a result, have gained weight, and lost all my beautiful muscle tone, which, I'm now determined to get back.
Fitness:
This is a multi step program that I'm now going to run for myself
Phase One: Involves early nights, which means, from now on, I go to sleep at 9:30 everynight, except for Friday, when I have Roleplaying, and Saturday, when i have JAFWA. This means I'm going to have to figure out how to get the timer working on the VCR, so I can start recording Angel and Buffy *grumble*
Phase Two: Is to start my running again, I used to do this a lot in year 12, but fell out of practice when uni started a uni ago, and then became the unfit sloth i am now. My plan, is to run everyday before I head off to university. Which means getting up around 5am. Getting dressed, goign for a jog from 5:30 till 6. Getting back. Eating breakfast. having a shower. being out the door for Uni by 7am. And doing the same on weekends, but in the evening, since I would have been up late at JAFWA or Roleplaying the previous night.
Phase Three: Going to do some weights too, I have some at my house, but they're only small. In addition to this, I'll get dad to put my punching bag back up, and start wacking away at that again. Also, I'll go to my freinds every Sunday, who owns a weight set, and do a small workout thing over there. Plus, I'll do situps and pushups before and after every jogging session i do.
Phase Four: Time to start my martial arts training again! The only REAL problem here, is where to do it, and which style to do. I'll probably take up Rhee Tae-Kwon-Do, what i used to do, again, since I even hear it's at the university gym where I go, which would be REALLY convienient, I'll have to call and check up on that one, That would be a desent way to add to my fitness, and have fun at the same time.

That's about it for my new resolution! I'll have to work this in with all the study I'm going to have to be doing as well, but with any luck, the addition sleep, and body fitness going up and improved diet should help with my studies, more then harm them. Here's hoping.

It will start next week, this week, I'm going to just do the diet, and sleep parts of the thing, to work up my energy, and get my body used to the new time of sleep and wakeup, and then I'll begin with the running and weights.

Anyway, that's all from the Saiyan Prince today!

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince of UNISFA.

2002-05-07T03:45:00.000-07:00

I took one of those, "Which character are you?" tests just then...

Better then my first result, and a lot more like me, so I'm putting this one up instead. :>

Yes, using a blog to post test results. Sue me :) I like it.

test by Leanne
which CCS character are you?

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince of UNISFA

2002-05-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

And thus, ends another day of futility.
Got the results back for my minor maths tests on Friday, witheld on all three, which is REALLY annoying, because, after doing the questions I was meant to do before the test last night, I did all the questions in a few minutes this afternoon. Grrr. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
Damn it, I should have aced them. This will teach me a lesson, though, so it's not a total loss. And I get to resit them on Friday.
Nothing else worth noting happened to day, played a few games of FLUXX(a card game), and Hungry Hungry Hippos in UniGames (Our local university gaming club) today, that was probably the highlight.
Also, let me note, five hour breaks between classes are really not desirable.
*sigh*
I suppose I should sit down and start work on my Computer Science Lab at some point too, as well as attempt our tutorial questions for tomorrow...
Also, a friend of mine was looking really quite depressed today, which is really quite out of character for her, and I felt a definate urge to want to try to comfort her somehow, but did not really know how to go about it, or if my attempts would have even been welcome anyway. So I didn't really do much, which I'm kind of annoyed with myself about.
Heh, look at me, writing like people are actually going to read this, and care. ^_^
Well, I think that's about all from me. An early night beckons, and dinner smells like it might be ready sometime in the near future, I wonder what we're having, I'm in the mood for rice...
But then, in the end, it doesn't really matter...

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince of UNISFA

2002-05-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

And thus, the first post of the Saiyan Prince of UNISFA,
A somewhat dreary day to make it on, I suppose, but then, the rain and the thunder go well with my current mood, so it all works in my favour.
Today was, average, at best, still a little in shock about the news yesterday that my Grandmother had passed away, but coping quite well, I must say. Though at times, I think it would be easier if I only went through the range of emotions of my namesake.
I hate maths. This is something you'll hear me say quite often, so you'll have to learn to tune it out.
Prospects for the week....are not much.
Need study some more for maths, and Computer Science, and have an E-Commerce presentation just around the corner, but not so close I feel motivated to start work on it yet.
Longing for this semester to be over, so i can make a fresh start on the next one. Hasn't exactly feel the stuff of legend, I must say. A rather turbult 9 weeks emotion wise thus far, many ups followed by very sharp downs, one of which I'm mulling in at the moment.
Oh, aren't I fun? :)
Other then that, things to look foward to include, JAFWA is on again this Saturday, that's my local anime club, for those not in the know. Roleplay on Friday Night, after UWAnime, I'm intending on making my character slowly more and more Vegeta like as time goes on, and slipping in some Vegeta quote. Lets see if anyone notices. ;)
Other then that, not much going on, but then, in the end, it doesn't really matter...

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince of UNISFA.