"Yeah link it to the world.
Link it to yourself.
Stretch it like its a birth squeeze.
And the love for what you hide,
And the bitterness inside,
Is growing like the newborn..."
---New Born, Muse.
(Tommo got this song stuck in my head)

*sigh*
Not much to say, really. tired.
Went to the party in the end, had an okay time, I suppose.
The party itself was a little boring, but I had a lot of fun talking with Liz and stuff, and Phillip as well, I suppose, even if he is mean and picks on me when I say things wrong in Japanese.
Well, OKAY, Liz picks on that too, but Phillip is more mean about it! *sniffle* ^^

*yawn*

I'm tired, and am going to sign off now.

--Vegeta, Saiyain Prince.

"I want to see it painted...paint black, black as night...black as coal! I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky. I wanna see it painted painted painted, painted black. Yeah..."
--Painted Black, Rolling Stones.

UCC in the evening is very very cold I find.
I don't think it's so much the attitude as the temprature (as in, it does get very physically cold) but i never like to be hanging around here late at night.
I just feel like I'm wasting time.
So I suppose I can go home and do nothing there and feel depressed at home rather then at Uni.
*sigh*
It's all a waste of time anyway, I suppose.
Currently pondering whether I should be bothered going to the HofP party, won't be any fun, now that what I had planned fell through, since the person I planned with mistoke something I said half heartidly and when it was late and I was cold to be the actual truth, and thus, it fell through. I suppose it wasn't her fault, but me~eh.
I guess I won't be bothered going now, doesn't seem like teribbly much point anymore.
I might just go home and sit around alone.
Seems to be how I spend most of my life.
Feeling full from the dinner Liz, Phillip and I had anyway.

Tom: Eh, if you ask me about anything IRl the best you'll get is a 'Yeah, I'm fine." or a 'Eh..." I don't really talk much about stuff concerning me to people in real life. I'm lame like that I suppose.

That's all I guess. *shrug*
Expect my next update when you see it.

-Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"Black Hole Sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain, black hole sun, won't you come, won't you come...."
--Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden.

"Look! Skulls!"
--Liz

Just an everyday comment here in UCC.

Dave is playing a strange game by the name of Torment and Liz just left.
Awww....
Oh well.
Yay! She's back again! Wai!

"I need my Phillip."
--Liz.

A less then everyday comment here in UCC.

I think I made her mad, and now she's threatening me with blackmail!
Wah!
Though the storm seem to have abated. ^_^

*eyes Dave*

That game is SO weird! You're talking about ruipping out eyes!
Weird!

*yawn*

Bored and tired. *sigh* Waiting for the committee meeting to come and go, then Liz and I can go shopping for the HofP house warming present and then go to the actual house warming, time seems to be passing sooooo slowly at the moment.
2 more hours to go, wah!
Oh, and here's Phillip, he says his job inteview went so so, Liz has hers in about 20 minutes or so, she doesn't seem very nervous about it, though, so that is a good sign I guess.

Velithya: Well, I sort of understand it after the lab, asking the guy for help sort of helps as well. We can always get together and study before a test, so i think we should be able to do okay:

Liz: Wai! Mention! :P And you're not a blue bird who communicates through meeps and sighs. I'm sorry. ^_^

Rae: But I'm feeling better now! See! I didn't need to go to the doctor afterall! No need to worry! It's just a little bit of a sore throat! Honest!

Well, that's all for now, back to the wonders of UCC.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"Out among the stars I sail,
Way beyond the moon.
In my silver ship I sail,
A dream that ended too soon.
Now I know exactly who am,
And what I'm here for.
And I will go sailing no more....

All the things I thought I did,
All the brave things I've done,
Vanished like a snow flake,
With the rising of the sun.
Now no more, to sail my ship,
Where no man has gone before.
And I will go sailing no more....

BUT NO! It can't be true!
I could fly is I wanted to!
Like a bird in the sky!
If I believed I could fly!
Why I'd fly!

Clearly....
I will go sailing....
No more......"
--Sailing No More, Toy Story Soundtrack.

"I was ontop of the world, living high!
It was right in my pocket.
I was living the life,
Things were *just* the way they should be.
Then from outta the sky like a bomb,
Comes some little punk in a rocket,
And all of a sudden some strange things are happening to me.

I had friends! I had lots of friends!
Now all my friends are gone....
And I'm doing the best I can to carry on.
I had power! I was respected!
But not anymore!
And I've lost the lovin' of the one whom I adore.

Let me tell you about strange things are happening to me.
Straaaaaaaaaaaaange things.
Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Ain't doubt about it.

Got someone you think you know well,
Turns out a stranger.
The minute you turn your back,
You hit it all by yourself.
They laugh at your jokes, you think you're doign quite well,
But you're in danger boy.
You'll end up alone, forgotten, way up on the shelf.

Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Straaaaaaaaaaaaange things
Straaaaange things are happening to me.
Ain't no doubt about it."
--Strange Things, Toy Story Soundtrack.

Two songs that sum up my current mood...Or maybe I've been watching too much Toy Story.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"One thing, I don't know why.
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Keep that in mind,
I designed this rhyme to explain in due time,
All, I, know. Time is a valuable thing,
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings,
Watch it count down to the end of the day,
The clock ticks life away, it's, so, unreal.
Didn't look out below, watch the time go, right out the window.
Trying to hold on, didn't even know, I wasted it all,
Just to watch, you gooooo.
I kept everything inside, and even though I tried,
It all fell apart.
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time I
Tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall, to lose it all.
But in the End, it doesn't even matter..."
--In the End, Linkin Park.

I thought it was about time to quote the song that this blog is named after. It is really one of my favourite songs, I can never listen to it enough. Not only does it describe my mood nearly all the time, it is the perfect song for describing the life of my hero, Vegeta.
And currently, in one of those moods where, in the end, nothing really matters, and nothing anyone you know can say will really cheer you up.
Sure, you put on a happy face, so that they'll stop trying, and most of the times,m they'll think they've succeeded, but inside, nothing's changed. And it never does. Nothing I've encountered has yet managed to peice the dreary drab of my life, and I live my existence in the dull numbness of apathy towards enjoyment.
I just often fail to care, and the only way I really feel I can make a difference in this futlity, is by making my friends feel better about themselves, and to an extent, it works, and I feel like I'm doing a good thing.
But always when I get home, I feel the numb, almost suffocating weight of darkness, and I wonder what there is to life I'm missing.
It all feels so futile and pathetic and small minded. Yet other people seem to enjoy it, but all i can do is make it through each day and collapse in bed, idly hoping that maybe something that changes everything will happen the next day, but knowing deep down tommorrow brings only another drab same fileld with the same borign mundane happenings that cause this life to be such a prison.

"Cause I'm loosing my sight, loosing my mind.
I wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Loosing my sight, loosing my mind.
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine.
Nothing's allright. Nothing is fine.
I'm running out of time!"
--Last Resort, Pappa Roach.

*yawn*
Sleep calls, and I think that's enough of my ranting for one day.
Expect my next update when you read it.

--Vegeta, Saiyan Prince.

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black,
I see my red door and I want it painted black.
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts!
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black...."
--Paint it Black, The Rolling Stones.

Meh, tired, sick, and depressed.
SE104 is hard, the guy goes too fast, I don't know what he says half the time, and it's hard.
He's going so much faster then the Java lecturer.
I wish he'd slow down! *whimper*

UCC basketball was fun, had me feeling not depressed for a whole hour, I was quite impressed, though the dark mood settled in as soon as I got home.

Didn't get a chance to do any homework, when I got home was already tired and too depressed and it was too late and I have an 8am pointless lecture that sucks and stuff. *angst*
Though I suppose trying to do my lab today made up for it...
Stupid hard SE104...I appreciate the help I get from the guys at UCC, but I just wish i could think of it myself, I'm sure I could, if the guy explained it all, and didn't just rush through...at least maybe it will help me be better at Java 124.
I wonder if Jen finds it as fast and confusing as I do.
If she does, she hides it really really well...

Need to make up new character sheets with Kieron tommorrow, pondering the idea of adding some extra stuff in there, but maybe not. *shrug*
Might ask Kieron, I don't suppose it could really hurt, I guess.

Have I mentioned I hate being sick? And hate feeling depressed?
I may just go and have a shower and go to bed.
*sigh*
I just hate life sometimes.
It takes pleasure in screwing me over as often as it can, and never gives me a break.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.
Current Music: Kanon D-dur (Quartet)

"Well, you may be stronger, but I'm still faster, smarter and preitter."
"I'll agree with that. Well, the pretty part anyway."
--Myself to Jen(Velithiya), and the Kieron agreeing at the party on Saturday.

Hmmm, the party on Saturday made up for my bad day on Friday, despite me being slightly sick, it was actually a lot more fun then i expected it to be. Everyone there seemed to be having a really good time, except for Jen, though I think the only reason she was snappy was because she was tired. Chas and Oliver both came in formal wear, and it was worth going to see that. I informed Kieron at the party that i had lost all my character sheets, and he said no problem, he can just kill my character.
The bastard. I think we need to put in an OOC quote to get back at him for that.

"Meanwhile, my pants are vibrating."
--Kieron.

Pam was angry at me because I wouldn't kiss her on the cheek! (Sorry Pam!) And now Jen thinks I'm gay, and Chas has his doubts. Nicole and Pam spent the evening trying to kiss me on the cheek again and again, which was really random. Strange people. Though I guess I could get used to it. ^_^

"I'll never be that drunk."
--James explaining how he will never kiss Pam on the cheek.

Warcraft three ending was so laaaaaaame. Lame I say! LAME! *sigh* Oh well, maybe we'll get something better in the expansion pack. Night Elves are the team for me, I really like the style of play, and the idea of a mostly female team appeals to me. (Hey, what are you looking at me like that for!) Plus, they have the coolest hero, the demon hunter. He's sooooo awesome.

"Ph33r my l337 sk|lls."
--Night Elf Archer, Warcraft III.

I think I may have caught Liz' cold somehow, well, either hers, or someone elses, probably Pam/Jen/Chas, since I spend a lot of time around them. *cough/sniffle* I hate being sick. I'm going to skip all my classes tommorrow and stay home, since committee meetings are at four now. I intend to clean my room and do some maths homework, though, to catch up. And quite possibly do my SE104 and Java labs as well, while I have the time, and maybe Calmath as well, which will give me the whole week off!
*cheers that breaks into coughing*
Stupid virus! Die, virus! Die!

"Tomedonaku afurete,
Koboreru namida no kazu hodo,
Yarusenai koto mo nai,
Zutto hateshinai boku no ai!

Baby Sou sa Karada ga tokeru kurai no,
Atsui munasawagi ni makasete Woo,
Nani mo ka mo koete yukou!"

--- Kimi Ni Fureru Dakede, Rurouni Kenshin.

A song that's been stuck in my head, the singer has a such a great song, even if it was from the crappy part of the series, I really loved that opening song to Kenshin, just the song, the images put to it were lame and boring.

Well, I'm really tired, and I think I might just hit the hay. *yawn*
I also need to think up what I'm going to wear to the House of Pain warming party on Friday, it's tehemed and everything, it will require some pondering, I bet. ^_^
*stretches*
Well, I better wander off, night everyone.
Expect my next update when you see it.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

" And the Raven, never flitting, still is
sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above
my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a
demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming
throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that
lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!"
--The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe

"How long, how long, will I slide....
Seperate my siiiiiiiide,
I don't...I don't believe it's beeeeeeest,
Slit my throat it's all I ever...."
--Otherside, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Bleh. Had a really bad day. Sisters bag was stolen with all my roleplay stuff in it. Major suckage.
Have to redo all my character sheets and such. Meh.
Then other bad stuff happened, made day even worse.
To finish it all up, self esteem and self image currently at an all time low of late.
Right down there now with hope and dreams for the future.
Doubt it will be going back up any time soon.
Everyone else always seems to confident in who there are, me, I'm always thinking about how crap I look.
Maybe I'm just vain.
Maybe I'm right.
Maybe I should go to sleep.

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

"Dear Mother, Dear Father,
Hidden in your world you've made for me,
I'm seething, I'm bleeding,
Ripping wounds in me that never heal.
Undying spite I feel for you,
Living out this hell you always knew."
--Dyers Eve, Metallica.

"Hear you, sir;
What is the reason that you use me thus?
I loved you ever: but it is no matter;
Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day."
--Hamlet, Act Five, Scene One.

Had an average day today. Thanks to the fourty odd people who pointed out to me that yes, I was not wearing black, even my old tutor who I ran into thought he might point out to me. *g* I hadn't noticed....really. :)
I'm glad I managed to screw with so many people's heads in one day, I must admit, it was kinda fun.
Who knows what i may wear tommorrow! I may become horrible unpredictle with what i wear!
But then again, maybe I won't.

Still angsting over my hair, I wish it would hurry up and grow, so I can tie it back, I suppose it looked kinda okay today, but it's still annoying having something that you feel so self concious about all the time.
Got my MathLab done today, which I am pleased about, though I got one question wrong and am no longer on 100%. Grrr. I feel so dirty. Other then that, this course is fairly fun. Maths is just sooooooo horrible. Pity there is no way out of doing it.
I'm actually finding Java somewhat fun. So much better than Haskell, UML is actually quite enjoyable. Even if Velithya can't seem to keep her eyes open. I swear I have to nudge her to keep her awake at times.
I blame Chas, keeping her up all night. ;)
Roleplaying tommorrow, yay! I wonder if we'll ever get to see the King, or if Chas has actually drawn us a map yet. I rather like Chas' campaign, and Kurita is a rather fun character to roleplay, even if he is a total bastard at times.
He's a nice guy inside, really, he is!
Well, I better go to sleep now!
I'll end tonights post with a nice out of context quote to get me in trouble.
Excuse me while I find someplace to hide now. *grin*

--Vegeta, Sayain Prince.

"Wai! Wai! Aaron-kun wa sugoi yo!
Suteki desu wa!
Now, dress in this cute bunny costume."
--Elizabeth.